Men who attended our Workshops said:

"(I have a) much better appreciation of how she experienced the trauma of my addiction. It will help me understand and empathize of her views, feelings, etc. Characterizing the results of my addiction on her as trauma really drives the consequences home and minimizes/eliminates denial.”

“I realize for the first time that my partner is carrying much emotional baggage as a result of my addiction. I am not certain if my recovery and her counseling will have any real impact on removing this baggage. My empathy towards her is overwhelming.”

“(The material presented) is 100% correct. Virtually everything described applies to me/us. My wife ha said, almost verbatim, all that you presented. You are definitely correct in the model and theory. It applies.”

"(I realized that) lying creates an environment where true consent is not possible..."

"Let me first re-iterate some awareness that came to me during the session that is very valuable to me personally and to my work to recover a trusting intimate relationship with my wife. As background, I have been confused and frustrated by my lack of comprehension of my wife's feelings as genuine. This is exhibited by my lack of empathy, and my automatic reaction of discounting my wife's feelings when she has tried to express them to me. I had determined that it was basically a fault in me, or a bad character trait that I was not willing to change. This added to my shame and feelings of unworthiness, I thought that I should be able to change if I was just willing.
During the seminar I came to understand:
1) I was not aware that abuse could be the culmination of several events over time, instead of discrete obviously abusive events. I have experienced abuse in the former category, but was not aware that is could be the same as "normal" abuse or of what the resulting symptoms were.
2) As I heard the sexual symptoms of sexual abuse, I was struck with how many I related to. This made me uncomfortable and doubt that I was there for the right reasons. I thought I should not feel these feelings but just be learning how it affects my wife.
3) Later, in small group sharing I came to the conclusion that I may have some abuse issues to deal with that I was not aware of before. This in turn led me to understand that I may have been discounting my wife's feelings as a way of unconsciously avoiding dealing with my own sexual symptoms and sexual disfunction. Before, I always thought that if I could just learn to talk about sex with my wife, things would work out on their own, but I could never get any comfort or relief from the stress I feel about talking about sex and other symptoms. So, now I have a hopeful feeling that there is help out there for me, and that it is OK for me to accept my wife's feelings, thoughts and reactions without reservation and support and affirm her in healing.
I wish that I had not been so ignorant of sexual abuse and sexual symptoms of sexual abuse before the workshop. In all the time I have been in therapy (10 years) with two different counselors, I was never referred to any reading or study on abuse, abuse sypmtoms and how they affect relationships and sexuality. I look back now and wish this kind of education was part of the sex addict recovery model I have experienced.
Honestly, the workshop gave me so much to think about and work on that I am truly excited about recovery more than I have been for the past year. I have felt at a stand still and frustrated. I now have more hope, I have more resources (as in the W. Maltz book you recommended), and I have more understanding of my wife's possible feelings and sexual symptoms as a result of both my behavior as an addict and possibly some previous sexual trauma experiences in her life. I feel good to now be willing and feel able to have empathy for my wife and her feelings.
Keep up the good work, "God speed" to get this into the mainstream treatment of addicts and coaddicts."


"I did not recommend this workshop to my sponsorees, as I was not sure of the content, intent, or results. Should you offer it again I will recommend it to my sponsorees, and I might attend a second time. Thanks and good luck."


"That was a very thought provoking workshop. Thanks again for coordinating and host it."

Women who attended our Workshops said:

"I truly felt strength, understanding, warm and restoration of spirit. I felt a special bond with the women in my small group, and I felt a renewing hope. Thanks for allowing us to feel our feelings."

"I wanted to thank you with all my heart for allowing me to be part of one of that wonderful seminar. I will cherish this experience for the rest of my life. I want to share with you how safe and whole I felt... "

"Thanks for having this wonderful workshop. It was great, so informative and validating for me. "

"It was excellent information and extremely impactful."

"I just wanted to let you know that theworkshop was so helpful to me. It has made a big difference in my peace of mind and it has provided some direction to me. Thank you so much."

"Saturday's Workshop was truly a blessing for me--it came at the end of a week in which I'd been almost crying out for attention to the issues that were presented to our group. Just to hear that professional people are thinking about and possibly open to trying to change ideas about the "partner issues" relative to sex addiction means more to me than I can say."

Presentation of the Sexual Trauma Model at upcoming SASH conference

Dr. Omar Minwalla and Silvia V. Jason will be presenting the session "The Sexual Trauma Model: Partner's Reaction, Addict's Reaction" at the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2008 National Conference. The conference will be held at the Boston Marriott Cambridge Hotel, Boston, MA on September 18-21, 2008.

To see the conference's brochure:

http://sash.net/images/2008-sash-brochure.pdf

New Workshop for Men in Houston

Healing & Hope presents ...
A Workshop for men in Recovery from Sexual Addiction
Understanding Her Side of the Storythe role of sexual trauma in the experience of partners of sex addicts with Omar Minwalla, PsyD & Silvia Jason, LMFT

Healing & Hope is proud to present our second Workshop for Men in Recovery in Houston.

We invite you to take the next step in your recovery and expand your understanding of your partner's experience.

Men who have taken this workshop before have described it as an impactful and transformational experience. Join us in a session that will change the way you see your partner, your relationship, yourself and your addiction, with a group of up to 20 participants in a confidential, safe and supportive environment.

Event Information

Date: Saturday August 30th, 2008

Time: 8:45 am - 4:00 pm
(Lunch on your own)
Cost: $95.00
Location: 2990 Richmond Avenue, Suite # 401
Houston, TX 77098
Tel. 713.333.3163
Fax 713.400.9130

Limited Seating

To register: Call 713.333.3163

New Workshop for Women in Houston

We are truly delighted to present our second workshop for women in Houston.
We invite you to join us for a meaningful and intimate experience, in a group of up to 20 participants.


Partners of Sexually Addicted Men as Sexual Trauma Survivors

Traditionally, our understanding of the experiences of women in relationships with sexually addicted men has been restricted to the concepts of Codependence and Co-Addiction.
The Sexual Trauma Model aims to expand this understanding by uncovering the sexual traumatization experienced by women in this situation.

After two very successful experiences with both Women Partners of Sex Addicts and Men Recovering from Sex Addiction in Houston, we are very excited to offer a new Workshop for Women.

We look forward to facilitating a new opportunity for women to reach awareness and healing of their emotional and sexual wounds.


WORKSHOP INFORMATION

Date: August 31st, 2008
Hours: 8:45 am to 4:00 pm
Lunch: 12:00 -1:30 pm (on your own)

Location: Spectrum Center
4100 Westheimer Rd., Suite #233
Houston, TX 77027

Cost: $95.00

To register please call 713-333-3163

Dr. Omar Minwalla' s chapter in newly released book "Mending a Shattered Heart"

This new book, edited by Dr. Stephanie Carnes, includes a chapter by Dr. Omar Minwalla about the Sexual Trauma Model.

http://www.gentlepath.com/

From Chapter 6 : What about my sexuality? by Dr. Omar Minwalla

"When it comes to sex addiction and sexual compulsivity, there is tremendous focus on the addict's sexuality. This makes sense because, after all, it is the sexual acting out of the addict that in many ways characterizes the problem and is one of the targets of treatment. Often, the addict's sexuality is percieved as "the problem". Therapists, sponsors, support groups, couples and the addict, all pay close attention to the addict's sexuality.
However, seldom does the spotlight spin around and shed light on the sexuality of the partner or spouse of the sex addict. In all the effort to help address the addict's problem, the sexuality of the partner or spouse is most often conspicuously minimized, neglected and ignored. Rarely does the partner's sexuality become the focus of clinical attention or discussion and, when it does, it's most often in the context of couple's treatment - in attempt to help the couple become sexual in the later stages of the recovery process. Since the majority of partners are female, one of the reasons for this is the still-prominent patriarchal dynamic of neglecting female sexuality and rendering it unimportant and illegitimate. It also reflects the clinical field's squeamishness and avoidance of female sexuality, including sexual and gender-based victimization.
What happens to the sexuality of the partner or spouse of a sex addict? What type of impact does sex addiction have on the partner’s sexuality and what can she do to address this impact? This chapter aims to address some of the ways that your sexuality - as a partner – your sexual sense of self, sexual psychology and sexual functioning – may be impacted and wounded by the sexual addiction and its consequences. In addition, a treatment model is proposed to help you embark on a sexual healing journey and reclaim aspects of your sexuality in the context of sex addiction. This is designed to speak to you directly as a partner.

The Sexual Trauma Model

As one begins to understand the sexual symptoms experienced by partners of sex addicts, the symptoms are strikingly similar to the symptoms known to occur from sexual trauma, such as rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse and molestation. When we look at well-established symptoms of sexual trauma and abuse, partners of sex addicts can identify with many or all of them. Many experts hold a new emerging perspective that partners of sex addicts experience a form of sexual trauma.
Using this model, the partner's symptoms, reactions, and what is otherwise perceived as "erratic behavior" may be understood as symptoms of trauma, including sexual trauma. These symptoms, when ignored, only serve to exacerbate them. These symptoms may be similar to those seen in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and rape trauma syndrome (RTS). Working from a trauma model, the partner's symptoms are understood and framed as natural and expected responses to trauma - a way of coping and trying to adapt and survive. This perspective respects and validates the partner's sexual wounding and victimization and, most important, emphasizes the importance of looking at his or her sexual symptoms and healing them.
When we shift our thinking and perception to include and acknowledge the sexual trauma tat you may be experiencing, your reactions and symptomology make much more sense. This perspective also helps the professional address the issues at hand in a way that will more likely lead to healing and change - helping you to move through your wounding rather than remaining stuck in your pain."

How this site came to life

This site was born out of the inspiring and overwhelming response of the recovering women and men who participated in our Workshops in December 2007 and March 2008 in Houston, Texas. Both workshops were facilitated by Omar Minwalla, Psychologist, and Silvia V. Jason, Marriage and Family Therapist.

The workshop for women was conducted in December 2007 and was a great success. At the end of the workshop some of the participants were suggesting that the material presented was so relevant that they wished their partners/spouses could hear it as well. We all joked about organizing a "workshop for men about women" in our Houston community, more like wishful thinking than anything else.

Just a few months later, the idea came to reality, and in March 2008 we were launching our workshop for men. The men's workshop turned out to be such a groundbreaking experience! It was the first time recovering men were exposed to the Sexual Trauma Model, spending a whole day understanding their spouses/partners' experience and learning how to heal their intimate relationship.

The Workshop for Women

The workshop for women was entitled "Understanding and Surviving Sexual Trauma: A workshop for Women in relationships with Sexually Addicted Men".

Here is a description of the workshop:

Partners of Sexually Addicted Men as Sexual Trauma Survivors

Traditionally, our understanding of the experiences of women in relationships with sexually addicted men has been restricted to the concepts of Codependence and Co-Addiction. Dr. Omar Minwalla aims to expand this understanding by uncovering the sexual traumatization experienced by women in this situation. His insightful contribution is at the cutting edge of the growing interest in developing new, comprehensive and customized conceptualizations and interventions for Partners within the Sex Addiction field.

What this workshop will help you accomplish

* Understand your experience as a Partner within the framework of Sexual Traumatization
* Identify your sexual trauma symptoms and wounds
* Understand the basic steps required for sexual healing
* Workshop includes presentations and experiential work aimed at helping you jump start your sexual healing.

The Workshop for Men

The workshop fo men was entitled "Understanding Her Side of the Story: the Role of Sexual Trauma in the Experience of Partners of Sex Addicts", and was described as follows:

What is Her Side of the Story and Why You Need to Understand It

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."-Stephen R. Covey

So you want to repair your relationship with your partner. You want to rebuild the trust that your addiction destroyed...One of the most important steps to rebuild that trust is to be ready, willing and able to truly understand your partner's experience.Maybe you have heard about the concepts of Codependence and Sexual Co-addiction. These are important issues that affect your partner. But they are not the only ones. There is increasing evidence of the significant role that trauma, and particularly sexual trauma, plays in the experience of partners of sexually addicted men.

What this workshop will help you accomplish

- Develop a deeper understanding of your partner's symptoms and experience.
- Understand the impact of the addiction on your partner's sexuality and how it affects your sexual functioning as a couple.
- Develop a more reality-based and attuned capacity for empathy.
- Gain exposure to the offender-trauma victim perspective in order to help you in your responsibility-taking process.
- Develop a recovery-based perspective and plan for healthy sexuality that will enhance your relationship.